i barfeds in our rink
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
