Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
