I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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