yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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