I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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