haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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