Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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