i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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