Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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