If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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