nut hugger
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
