I'm laying in your front yard are you home
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
