I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
COCAINE IS GR8
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude. I can hear the air.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
