whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My hand turned me down
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
