i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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