found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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