Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
