life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
