just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
