guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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