you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
