The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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