This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
