Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
