two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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