Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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