Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
