Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize