yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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