Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
