she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I only lived at night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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