She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
