new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
