the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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