i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
