She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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