Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
