Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
