There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
