I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
