You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
