If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
