I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
