i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
tell me about the fingering
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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