I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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