i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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