The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
