there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
