would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
