No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
