he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
