i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
