I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
