I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
