also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
