I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
