So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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