I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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