drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize