im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
