Christians are straight up FREAKS
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize