when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
