So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
