I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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