Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
