I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
