pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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