pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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