Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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