Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
