if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
