Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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